Fall Randomness

Fall has been busy. The first week of September, my dad visited for a quick trip. James was in heaven having a grandparent shower him with attention. I'm jealous of any kid who has a grandparent within a thousand mile radius. But on the flip side, it's such a treat anytime someone visits and makes seeing family that much more exciting.  We definitely don't take it for granted.

The day after my dad left, I got sick. I've been sick so many times since that I already don't even remember what it was I had. But thus started my two week bout with an awesome case of Insomnia. I've had sleep issues on and off my whole life but this was by far the worst cycle I've experienced. Every night for nearly two weeks, I literally could not fall asleep until at least four in the morning and then would wake up at six and not go back to sleep. I felt like a zombie, an emotional wreck zombie. It was a nightmare.

Not sleeping literally made me the worst, most boring mother and wife on the planet. No patience, no energy to function let alone do anything extra. I felt so bad for my kids.

Brian had to be in New Orleans for eight days at the end of September. I begged him to give me a blessing before he left. That night I slept soundly for the first night in weeks and I slept the entire time Brian was gone. I know it was a miracle because the second I dropped him off at the airport, even though I hadn't slept in  weeks, I felt like I had energy and that I could handle life without him. The second I picked him up at the airport, I felt that energy slip away again.

Right after Brian got home, I got sick with a cold and a nasty cough. Even my voice went away. I sounded like a smoker for about a week. It was actually pretty humorous. A couple days later, Brian's dad and brother came for the weekend. It was so much fun having family here again and James was on cloud nine having more family visit. Having people come visit us makes me so happy and grateful. I know traveling to Knoxville is totally inconvenient. There are no direct flights and it literally takes a full day to get here, so that people take the effort to do it just to see us is so humbling. I'm grateful for every single one of our visitors.

The morning we dropped the visitors off at the airport, we left for Orlando. Brian had a conference there, so we tagged along since Brian's work was paying for the hotel and rental car. To make it even better, an oral surgery organization was offering spouse scholarships for the conference. I applied a few months ago and was lucky enough to receive one of them. With that scholarship, mine and James' plane tickets were completely paid for (Livy still flies for free for a few more months), making the entire trip totally free. That is my kind of trip!We decided against all the usual-Orlando hoopla since we'd just done the whole Disney thing in May. The kids loved swimming at the hotel pool and playing in the kid's area and that was really all they needed to have a great, exhausting vacation.

My favorite part of the trip was our exclusive access to Harry Potty World at Universal Studios one of the nights we were there. The conference Brian was attending had rented the place out for a night. It was amazing. The streets of Harry Potter World were lined with tables heaped with amazing food, free butter beer (yuck!), and other goodies. It was so much fun. The afternoon of this event, I felt a sore throat and sinus pressure coming on and prayed my heart out that it would stay at bay until the next day, just so I could at least enjoy this one thing we'd been looking forward to. The next morning I woke up so sick I could hardly lift a finger. I stayed in bed most of the day while Brian did fun stuff with the kids. I felt so helpless and so sad that I was sick on our last day of vacation. Thus started my second round of Insomnia.

Some how I made it through traveling the next day--after a lot of  medication and prayers. The entire next week I was feverish and so tired and sick I could literally do nothing but sit on the couch in agony. Thankfully, I finally made it into the doctor on Friday and she provided me with some meds to start clearing out whatever it was I had.

To top it off, last Sunday I had to play the piano in our ward primary program. That Saturday was a rehearsal and just to get myself there was a chore. As I've mentioned before, I am not a good piano player and I usually dread having to play on a normal day. The rehearsal felt like a disaster. My head was so foggy and my nose so runny, I couldn't make my fingers do what they needed to do. I prayed that the next day would be better, but oh my goodness, it was so much worse. In fact, it was so bad that I laugh just thinking about it. I messed up majorly on every song but the last one, which, ironically, was the most complicated to play. The only thing that got me through and kept me from being totally embarrassed was that I was so sick I just didn't care. I felt like my mind was floating off in sick land and my fingers were doing their own thing, even though I'd practiced so hard for weeks that I'd been counting on muscle memory kicking in. I just wanted to get it over with. I felt bad for the primary president and chorister who probably thought I was a total mess and didn't practice at all. Sometimes, even with lots of prayers, things just don't go your way anyway. And you know what, that's okay. It's over and I don't have to worry about it again until next year! :

Yesterday was Brian's birthday. I've finally been feeling better the last couple days and had the energy to make all his favorite foods, decorate a little, visit him at work, take him out to lunch, and go bowling last night. We had a really fun day together and all went to bed exhausted. I sure love Brian and all he does for our family.

On the way home from our lunch together Brian and I were discussing our future and how most OMFS residents in their final year already know where they're going at this point and what does it say about us that we still don't know? We're in total panic mode. We started wondering how it is that things came together so easily for everyone else. They just knew where they wanted to go, or even if they didn't know a location at least contacts came together and things just worked out. We can't even seem to get contacts to pay us any attention. It's so frustrating. At any rate, it reminded me of my single years. How I would watch all my friends/roommates one by one date their future spouse and then get married and through the midst of it all I remained single and would think about what a foreign concept even considering marriage was to me and I wondered how in the world they had made it come together so effortlessly. I just didn't understand it. Then I met Brian and it really did just happen and come together. When things work out it is just a miracle in so many ways. I know one way or another, things will work out for our future. It may be frustrating waiting and trying to figure it out, but once it happens, it will be the right thing for us. The point of sharing that, really was to convey how grateful I am to have met Brian so unexpectedly that summer day seven years ago. He makes my life happy and everything about it better. The best part of all our day is when Brian comes home from work. I'm grateful that wherever we end up, that we'll all be together.

But until we figure it out, I'll keep enjoying what could be my last fall in the South.

Truth

I shared this over at Just Cook Already but thought I'd share it here, too.

In the past few months that I have been contributing to Just Cook Already, I've experienced so many failed recipes that you'd think I would have given up by now on documenting anything I cook. The truth is, with every recipe I post, there are at least two or three that either just didn't turn out as I expected, were something I'd made before and loved but yikes, what happened this time? Or, it turned out so disastrous that my husband took one bite and stalled, trying to figure out how to proceed in a tactful manner. Like the chicken adobo I made last week that seemed more like salty soy sauce soaked chicken than something that was supposed to be gourmet. Is that how it's supposed to taste? Or like the pasta salad I've made dozens of times but somehow this last time it ended up so dry and bland that trying to doctor it up only made it worse. It sat in our fridge for a week, taunting me every time I opened the door until I finally sighed and threw it out. I hate wasting food (see Mom, you did teach me something). Or, like the flourless chocolate torte I recently made. How could I go wrong? The pictures online looked gorgeous and the recipe looked totally doable. I knew I had to make it the next time we had guests for dinner. But when we all took our first bite, the overly dense and sickeningly sweet torte made me mortified that I had served it to anyone, let alone people I actually like. I knew it was a failure when even my sweet toothed three-year-old pushed it away.

So, I give kudos to all those amazing food bloggers out there. Because behind the scenes, I know is probably a messy kitchen, major stress, and possibly even a few failed attempts before the impeccable looking piece of art that is shown as the final result.

Someday I'd love for my kitchen to look this blissful and have everything turn out perfectly:

But the truth is, I kind of like it the way it is:

Even if a recipe doesn't turn out, I've got a little team of helpers on my side who don't care if it gets published or not, don't care if what I make isn't perfect and who make being in my kitchen fun no matter what.

Instablog

Does anyone blog anymore? Since my discovery of Instagram, my blogging has gone way downhill. That's okay. I don't have much to say anyway.

Actually, I do. Just a few things though.

Summer is half way over. Or, if I was more of an optimist I could say that we still have half of summer left. I guess that does sound better. Here's what's going on with us this summer:

James and Livy have a complicated relationship. Most of the time they adore each other. James can be bossy though and our little lady is developing quite the temper/attitude and if James so much as takes one step toward her if she doesn't want him to, be prepared for a scream. Oh boy. She's been on one lately and as much as I hope it's just a phase, I'm afraid she's going to be our little diva. Watch out world!

James has been loving playtime with friends. He can't get enough of the Fisher kids. When he and his best bud are around each other, you can hear them calling each other "buddy" and it's pretty darn cute. He has developed an over the top fear of bugs (especially bees) and doesn't love playing outside like he used to, which I suppose is okay for now since it's so blasted hot and humid outside. I pray he'll get over it quickly though.

We also went blueberry picking for the first time with friends last week and Livy hated it and James loved it. I failed to get a single picture of it. We've also been doing the Dollywood thing and James can't get enough of it.

As hard a time as I've been having with Livy lately, I've also loved this age with her. I specifically remember when James was 15 months thinking that it was my absolute favorite age so far with him. He could communicate but was still so sweet. Livy has her sweet moments. She still cuddles, she babbles hysterically, and she is pretty much the cutest little thing I've ever seen. Although she tries hard, her language isn't where it was with James at this age. He could pretty much say anything and you could understand him perfectly. Not so with this one. She does have at least 20 things she says consistently and is learning new words all the time, so I'm not too worried, just more frustrated since I can't understand her well yet. She finally got to two word sentences (can you call two words a sentence?) and that was a relief. My favorite things she says are "All done," and "bear." My heart melts every time. She's getting to be more selective with what she eats and where she eats (she's already hating high chairs! Nooo!). If I stick her in her high chair (most of the time I have to force her in there) she will not eat. The second she's on my lap, she'll do great. There's got to be a remedy for that.

Brian is chief. CHIEF. Do you know what that means!? We're down to our final year of residency. I would say "hallelujah!" except part of me isn't ready yet for the real world. I've been trying to remember to enjoy this phase of our lives and I think I'm already getting nostalgic about our "Tennessee days." There is so much I love about it here and yet so much I long for elsewhere (i.e. closer proximity to family) that I know when it's over, it'll be time. So I'm going to enjoy this last year as much as I can because I really do know we'll look back on this time with extreme fondness and probably even miss it.

As for me, I'm just staying busy with the crazy kids, trying to get them to enjoy a fun-filled summer. I'm still trying to cook up new things and failing horribly at posting them on my food blog  (just-cook-already), which is probably the most ghetto food blog around since I'm terrible at taking photos of food. I've been reading a ton (just finished "Okay for Now" and "The Rent Collector." I highly recommend both) and am open to recommendations!

Brian and I celebrate our 6th anniversary on Sunday. Good times. :)

May Days

I had an entire blog post drafted on my phone (first and last time for that) this week but it appears not to have saved anywhere so lets start over . . .

Aside from an amazing week in California, May was not my month. Lest everyone start to think I'm a total narcissist based on my last couple posts, I'll spare every detail because I definitely was not exercising the power of positive thinking.

Just days before we left on our trip, I came down with something totally bleh. Instead of getting better, it kept getting worse until some very unpleasant symptoms showed up one morning. I was in so much pain I could hardly function and didn't have a clue how I was going to take care of my kids all day. Of course all this happened on one of Brian's on-call days where he isn't allowed to leave the hospital and wouldn't be coming home that night. I knew I needed medical attention but I had no idea what to do with the kids, etc. I laid on my bed in tears and pleaded in prayer for help and 30 seconds later, Brian called and said he was on his way home to get me to take me to the hospital. Total miracle. So, I spent the next several hours in the hospital but by that night I felt worlds better. We're still not entirely sure what I had, but I don't care as long as it never comes back.

Right after we returned from our trip, I went on a walk with the kids (on another night Brian was working late--see a pattern here? Bad things happen when he doesn't get to come home.) and totally biffed it on some wet sidewalk. My left leg was all bloody and battered and I must have twisted my right ankle going down, because when I stood up I couldn't put any pressure on it. I thought for sure it was broken. I'm not sure how I made it home, it hurt so badly. James was a good helper when we got home, but I knew I couldn't take care of our wiggle worm Livy while hopping around on one foot, so I had no choice but to put her to bed way before she was ready and listen to her cry in her crib for awhile. Poor girl. Luckily, my foot isn't broken and every day the swelling goes down and it feels a little better. I feel so lucky this didn't happen before our trip. There is no way I could have walked around theme parks all day like we did.

Speaking of our trip, it was one of the most exhausting trips I've ever taken, but it was also a little slice of heaven. Just being on the west coast was pure bliss. What is it about California that speaks to me that way? The ocean, the perfect weather, the atmosphere. Mostly the ocean. It was so hard to leave. Of course, it's always nice to come back home and sleep in our own beds.

Thanks to his recent growth spurt, James was barely tall enough to ride the new Cars ride. Surprisingly, he didn't love it like we hoped he would. He was in heaven playing with all his cousins though. I feel like I barely saw him the entire trip. Even little Livy, though more tired than any of us, was surprisingly pleasant the entire time. You just can't escape the magic of Disney.

Notice James laying on the stroller in this picture. The poor kid was so worn out. So is our stroller, by the way. It's totally broken now from his lounging on it like that. 

So, that was May. I'm totally going to try and embrace what will probably be our last summer ever in Tennessee. Here's to good times!

The Bush Years

I've been incredibly reminiscent this week and on the verge of feeling crazy. I know, how is that different from any other week with me? When did I turn into such a basket case?

It all started several weeks ago when I got this invitation in the mail:

For some odd reason, not for one second did I even entertain the notion of going. I blamed it on my circumstances and current role in life and simply thought "Too bad I can't go."

That was that and I was okay with it.

A week or so later, an old friend and former White House co-worker called to wish me a happy birthday. She mentioned the event and remarked, "You're going, right?"

I think I said something like "Pssshhh. Yeah right. I can't go to those types of things anymore. That was in my past. I'm a mom now. I have responsibilities. I can't just leave my kids."

She responded that I should just bring them along, to which I responded "That's not an option. Brian couldn't come and who would watch them in Dallas?"

At that point, I still was okay with not going. I still thought it was weird to even consider it.

Initially, in my mind, it was the hard core, senior staffers, or those staffers with mega political/Bush connections who would be going. But not me. I was just a lowly junior staffer. People like me would probably not be going. 

And then lo and behold, one by one, I learned that all my friends and former co-workers, and basically every former White House staffer but me, were going. Even the ones who had been in my lowly position. Even the ones who now had kids. ALL of them would be there. And I would not.

That was the turning point.

Suddenly it wasn't okay anymore.

Suddenly I wondered why I had dismissed it all so quickly. Why had I automatically assumed I couldn't go? I felt an overwhelming homesickness for my former life and former career. I wanted to be there with all my old friends more than anything. I wanted to be surrounded by all that political greatness, the American history, the perks of working for the president, just to sit with old friends and reminisce about the good old days. I really miss that whole atmosphere I used to breath 12+ hours a day. The urge to be part of it was so overwhelming it hurt.

I was so mad at myself for planning so poorly, for my once ambitious and go-getter mind having turned to mush for not thinking it was okay to allow myself to do such things anymore. I'm still not sure who would have watched my kids or how I would have worked out all the details, but I would have liked to have given myself the chance to at least try.

I broke down and cried for awhile yesterday and then called my sister, the one person who I was sure would understand. She didn't answer. So I cried some more and then was mad at myself for crying and told myself to get over it.

When my sister finally called me back last night, I thought I had come to terms with it all. I had even looked up plane tickets, but they were way out of my price range at that late in the game. I had no other choice but to be okay with not going. But when I heard my sister's voice and started telling her why I'd called in the first place, I lost it again. But you know what made it all okay? She broke down with me. She didn't tell me I was dumb for feeling that way, or criticize me for not figuring out a way to make it happen (although she did state what should have been obvious to me, "Britt, when you get invited to something by a former president, you just go.") She let me vent and told me I was validated for feeling how I felt. She told me that even though we knew getting married and starting a family were the right things to do, that it was okay to miss our old jobs/lives sometimes, too. Most important, she told me it was okay to feel the way I did. I didn't have to feel guilty about it just because I'm now a mom. It's okay to miss the past sometimes (as long as you don't get stuck there). 

So, by no ones fault but my own, I may very well be the only former Bush staffer not in Dallas tomorrow. Actually, there are a couple others not going, but only because they are off fighting in Afghanistan. So while they're doing that, I'll be fighting my own battles with my three-year-old, and trying to watch it all on TV. I will hear about it afterward from friends. I'll see their pictures on Facebook and Instagram. And I will have to be okay with it. And that is okay.

Updates

Insanity. Dang. It was hard, hard, hard. I could not have done it without Brian there pushing me every day. As hard as it was, we finished and I'm quite pleased and shocked with myself for carrying through with a workout like that, or any work out for that matter. The results? I do not look or feel like one of those before/after cases on TV. I don't have a six pack, and in fact, I may have only lost a pound or so. But, what I am happy with is that I toned up a bit and feel like I am in much better shape. That made it worth it to me. I'll probably try round two of it later this year. As for now, I have started doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred, which seems like a piece of cake after Insanity.

James' crazy sleep habits are finally improving. And after my last whine-fest of a post, I realize as much as sleep deprivation stinks, life could be a lot worse. I am thankful I have kids at all, even if they torture me with their nighttime antics.

Last week James was being a bit too crazy around bedtime. He was also trying to be a cute brother and make his sister laugh by running back and forth across the living room and then diving across the floor. Well, on one such dive attempt, he got a little too close to the fireplace mantel. Poor kid got one heck of a goose egg on his head. It changes colors daily.

Livy is finally talking a little bit more. New words this week include: shoes and uh-oh.

The weather has reached the 80s here in Knoxville. We finally turned on the A/C this week. Park time is back. Oh how we've missed it. Livy is loving it. Her newest thing is to bring me her shoes and point to the door.

I hate cars. I guess I just hate when they don't work and it costs an arm and a leg to fix a part you didn't even know existed.

Couponing. I used to be so good at it and felt great at the massive amounts of money we were saving on groceries each week. I still try to do it but am not anywhere near as obsessive about it as I used to be. I've still been getting awesome deals on random things though. I'll have to do a separate post on my favorites.

My sister-in-law found an old book at her parents house called The Art of Homemaking. I started reading it as a joke. It was written in the 1960s and, although parts of it are quite humorous, I've never read anything more sexist or old-fashioned. But parts of it are actually really, really good, like life-changing good for this slightly feminist girl who hates cleaning her house/feeling like a maid, etc. It has led me to a new way of thinking and helped me develop a better attitude about it at least.

We've made these several times in the last few months. They are way easy and sooo much better than a boxed mix.

We broke down and bought season passes to Dollywood. Since we plan on being in Knoxville all summer, we figured we may as well have something fun to do here. We went for the first time last week. James and Livy both loved it. It was way more kid/family friendly than I expected. Definitely red-neck though, which was fully expected. Should be a fun summer!

Head on Over...

Ever try Kerrygold products? They're an awesome Irish dairy company that makes amazing cheese. We're doing a little giveaway over at Just Cook Already, so check it out for some free cheese or butter and an awesome cookbook:

http://www.just-cook-already.com/2013/04/giveaway.html