Instablog

Does anyone blog anymore? Since my discovery of Instagram, my blogging has gone way downhill. That's okay. I don't have much to say anyway.

Actually, I do. Just a few things though.

Summer is half way over. Or, if I was more of an optimist I could say that we still have half of summer left. I guess that does sound better. Here's what's going on with us this summer:

James and Livy have a complicated relationship. Most of the time they adore each other. James can be bossy though and our little lady is developing quite the temper/attitude and if James so much as takes one step toward her if she doesn't want him to, be prepared for a scream. Oh boy. She's been on one lately and as much as I hope it's just a phase, I'm afraid she's going to be our little diva. Watch out world!

James has been loving playtime with friends. He can't get enough of the Fisher kids. When he and his best bud are around each other, you can hear them calling each other "buddy" and it's pretty darn cute. He has developed an over the top fear of bugs (especially bees) and doesn't love playing outside like he used to, which I suppose is okay for now since it's so blasted hot and humid outside. I pray he'll get over it quickly though.

We also went blueberry picking for the first time with friends last week and Livy hated it and James loved it. I failed to get a single picture of it. We've also been doing the Dollywood thing and James can't get enough of it.

As hard a time as I've been having with Livy lately, I've also loved this age with her. I specifically remember when James was 15 months thinking that it was my absolute favorite age so far with him. He could communicate but was still so sweet. Livy has her sweet moments. She still cuddles, she babbles hysterically, and she is pretty much the cutest little thing I've ever seen. Although she tries hard, her language isn't where it was with James at this age. He could pretty much say anything and you could understand him perfectly. Not so with this one. She does have at least 20 things she says consistently and is learning new words all the time, so I'm not too worried, just more frustrated since I can't understand her well yet. She finally got to two word sentences (can you call two words a sentence?) and that was a relief. My favorite things she says are "All done," and "bear." My heart melts every time. She's getting to be more selective with what she eats and where she eats (she's already hating high chairs! Nooo!). If I stick her in her high chair (most of the time I have to force her in there) she will not eat. The second she's on my lap, she'll do great. There's got to be a remedy for that.

Brian is chief. CHIEF. Do you know what that means!? We're down to our final year of residency. I would say "hallelujah!" except part of me isn't ready yet for the real world. I've been trying to remember to enjoy this phase of our lives and I think I'm already getting nostalgic about our "Tennessee days." There is so much I love about it here and yet so much I long for elsewhere (i.e. closer proximity to family) that I know when it's over, it'll be time. So I'm going to enjoy this last year as much as I can because I really do know we'll look back on this time with extreme fondness and probably even miss it.

As for me, I'm just staying busy with the crazy kids, trying to get them to enjoy a fun-filled summer. I'm still trying to cook up new things and failing horribly at posting them on my food blog  (just-cook-already), which is probably the most ghetto food blog around since I'm terrible at taking photos of food. I've been reading a ton (just finished "Okay for Now" and "The Rent Collector." I highly recommend both) and am open to recommendations!

Brian and I celebrate our 6th anniversary on Sunday. Good times. :)

May Days

I had an entire blog post drafted on my phone (first and last time for that) this week but it appears not to have saved anywhere so lets start over . . .

Aside from an amazing week in California, May was not my month. Lest everyone start to think I'm a total narcissist based on my last couple posts, I'll spare every detail because I definitely was not exercising the power of positive thinking.

Just days before we left on our trip, I came down with something totally bleh. Instead of getting better, it kept getting worse until some very unpleasant symptoms showed up one morning. I was in so much pain I could hardly function and didn't have a clue how I was going to take care of my kids all day. Of course all this happened on one of Brian's on-call days where he isn't allowed to leave the hospital and wouldn't be coming home that night. I knew I needed medical attention but I had no idea what to do with the kids, etc. I laid on my bed in tears and pleaded in prayer for help and 30 seconds later, Brian called and said he was on his way home to get me to take me to the hospital. Total miracle. So, I spent the next several hours in the hospital but by that night I felt worlds better. We're still not entirely sure what I had, but I don't care as long as it never comes back.

Right after we returned from our trip, I went on a walk with the kids (on another night Brian was working late--see a pattern here? Bad things happen when he doesn't get to come home.) and totally biffed it on some wet sidewalk. My left leg was all bloody and battered and I must have twisted my right ankle going down, because when I stood up I couldn't put any pressure on it. I thought for sure it was broken. I'm not sure how I made it home, it hurt so badly. James was a good helper when we got home, but I knew I couldn't take care of our wiggle worm Livy while hopping around on one foot, so I had no choice but to put her to bed way before she was ready and listen to her cry in her crib for awhile. Poor girl. Luckily, my foot isn't broken and every day the swelling goes down and it feels a little better. I feel so lucky this didn't happen before our trip. There is no way I could have walked around theme parks all day like we did.

Speaking of our trip, it was one of the most exhausting trips I've ever taken, but it was also a little slice of heaven. Just being on the west coast was pure bliss. What is it about California that speaks to me that way? The ocean, the perfect weather, the atmosphere. Mostly the ocean. It was so hard to leave. Of course, it's always nice to come back home and sleep in our own beds.

Thanks to his recent growth spurt, James was barely tall enough to ride the new Cars ride. Surprisingly, he didn't love it like we hoped he would. He was in heaven playing with all his cousins though. I feel like I barely saw him the entire trip. Even little Livy, though more tired than any of us, was surprisingly pleasant the entire time. You just can't escape the magic of Disney.

Notice James laying on the stroller in this picture. The poor kid was so worn out. So is our stroller, by the way. It's totally broken now from his lounging on it like that. 

So, that was May. I'm totally going to try and embrace what will probably be our last summer ever in Tennessee. Here's to good times!

The Bush Years

I've been incredibly reminiscent this week and on the verge of feeling crazy. I know, how is that different from any other week with me? When did I turn into such a basket case?

It all started several weeks ago when I got this invitation in the mail:

For some odd reason, not for one second did I even entertain the notion of going. I blamed it on my circumstances and current role in life and simply thought "Too bad I can't go."

That was that and I was okay with it.

A week or so later, an old friend and former White House co-worker called to wish me a happy birthday. She mentioned the event and remarked, "You're going, right?"

I think I said something like "Pssshhh. Yeah right. I can't go to those types of things anymore. That was in my past. I'm a mom now. I have responsibilities. I can't just leave my kids."

She responded that I should just bring them along, to which I responded "That's not an option. Brian couldn't come and who would watch them in Dallas?"

At that point, I still was okay with not going. I still thought it was weird to even consider it.

Initially, in my mind, it was the hard core, senior staffers, or those staffers with mega political/Bush connections who would be going. But not me. I was just a lowly junior staffer. People like me would probably not be going. 

And then lo and behold, one by one, I learned that all my friends and former co-workers, and basically every former White House staffer but me, were going. Even the ones who had been in my lowly position. Even the ones who now had kids. ALL of them would be there. And I would not.

That was the turning point.

Suddenly it wasn't okay anymore.

Suddenly I wondered why I had dismissed it all so quickly. Why had I automatically assumed I couldn't go? I felt an overwhelming homesickness for my former life and former career. I wanted to be there with all my old friends more than anything. I wanted to be surrounded by all that political greatness, the American history, the perks of working for the president, just to sit with old friends and reminisce about the good old days. I really miss that whole atmosphere I used to breath 12+ hours a day. The urge to be part of it was so overwhelming it hurt.

I was so mad at myself for planning so poorly, for my once ambitious and go-getter mind having turned to mush for not thinking it was okay to allow myself to do such things anymore. I'm still not sure who would have watched my kids or how I would have worked out all the details, but I would have liked to have given myself the chance to at least try.

I broke down and cried for awhile yesterday and then called my sister, the one person who I was sure would understand. She didn't answer. So I cried some more and then was mad at myself for crying and told myself to get over it.

When my sister finally called me back last night, I thought I had come to terms with it all. I had even looked up plane tickets, but they were way out of my price range at that late in the game. I had no other choice but to be okay with not going. But when I heard my sister's voice and started telling her why I'd called in the first place, I lost it again. But you know what made it all okay? She broke down with me. She didn't tell me I was dumb for feeling that way, or criticize me for not figuring out a way to make it happen (although she did state what should have been obvious to me, "Britt, when you get invited to something by a former president, you just go.") She let me vent and told me I was validated for feeling how I felt. She told me that even though we knew getting married and starting a family were the right things to do, that it was okay to miss our old jobs/lives sometimes, too. Most important, she told me it was okay to feel the way I did. I didn't have to feel guilty about it just because I'm now a mom. It's okay to miss the past sometimes (as long as you don't get stuck there). 

So, by no ones fault but my own, I may very well be the only former Bush staffer not in Dallas tomorrow. Actually, there are a couple others not going, but only because they are off fighting in Afghanistan. So while they're doing that, I'll be fighting my own battles with my three-year-old, and trying to watch it all on TV. I will hear about it afterward from friends. I'll see their pictures on Facebook and Instagram. And I will have to be okay with it. And that is okay.

Updates

Insanity. Dang. It was hard, hard, hard. I could not have done it without Brian there pushing me every day. As hard as it was, we finished and I'm quite pleased and shocked with myself for carrying through with a workout like that, or any work out for that matter. The results? I do not look or feel like one of those before/after cases on TV. I don't have a six pack, and in fact, I may have only lost a pound or so. But, what I am happy with is that I toned up a bit and feel like I am in much better shape. That made it worth it to me. I'll probably try round two of it later this year. As for now, I have started doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred, which seems like a piece of cake after Insanity.

James' crazy sleep habits are finally improving. And after my last whine-fest of a post, I realize as much as sleep deprivation stinks, life could be a lot worse. I am thankful I have kids at all, even if they torture me with their nighttime antics.

Last week James was being a bit too crazy around bedtime. He was also trying to be a cute brother and make his sister laugh by running back and forth across the living room and then diving across the floor. Well, on one such dive attempt, he got a little too close to the fireplace mantel. Poor kid got one heck of a goose egg on his head. It changes colors daily.

Livy is finally talking a little bit more. New words this week include: shoes and uh-oh.

The weather has reached the 80s here in Knoxville. We finally turned on the A/C this week. Park time is back. Oh how we've missed it. Livy is loving it. Her newest thing is to bring me her shoes and point to the door.

I hate cars. I guess I just hate when they don't work and it costs an arm and a leg to fix a part you didn't even know existed.

Couponing. I used to be so good at it and felt great at the massive amounts of money we were saving on groceries each week. I still try to do it but am not anywhere near as obsessive about it as I used to be. I've still been getting awesome deals on random things though. I'll have to do a separate post on my favorites.

My sister-in-law found an old book at her parents house called The Art of Homemaking. I started reading it as a joke. It was written in the 1960s and, although parts of it are quite humorous, I've never read anything more sexist or old-fashioned. But parts of it are actually really, really good, like life-changing good for this slightly feminist girl who hates cleaning her house/feeling like a maid, etc. It has led me to a new way of thinking and helped me develop a better attitude about it at least.

We've made these several times in the last few months. They are way easy and sooo much better than a boxed mix.

We broke down and bought season passes to Dollywood. Since we plan on being in Knoxville all summer, we figured we may as well have something fun to do here. We went for the first time last week. James and Livy both loved it. It was way more kid/family friendly than I expected. Definitely red-neck though, which was fully expected. Should be a fun summer!

Head on Over...

Ever try Kerrygold products? They're an awesome Irish dairy company that makes amazing cheese. We're doing a little giveaway over at Just Cook Already, so check it out for some free cheese or butter and an awesome cookbook:

http://www.just-cook-already.com/2013/04/giveaway.html

Ode to Sleepless Nights (or Woe Is Me)

For the second day in a row, I have a massive headache. You know it's going to be a long day when you wake up with one. Usually my remedy for any type of headache is sleep, but when your three-year-old wakes up two to three times (sometimes more) every night screaming bloody murder for 13 days straight and counting, and often refusing to go back to sleep, waking up every one in the process, you don't get enough sleep to remedy anything.

I am so tired. And cranky. And impatient. And overly-emotional. And every other negative quality a mother should not possess. 

All I want is for my boy to go back to sleeping normally.

The cruel irony of all this is that Livy actually started sleeping better finally. I could have finally been on the road to much needed rest (I haven't had a full nights sleep since I found out I was pregnant with her, a two year anniversary coming up in a couple months).

It all started when we got home from our three-week long trip last month. The first couple times he woke up screaming I just thought it was a fluke (he does it every now and then). But when he did it for three days straight, I knew we had a problem. It has continued ever since.

I tried being super sweet and sensitive to any fears he might have, tried reasoning with him, tried talking it out, etc. When that didn't work, the impatience kicked in and I got mean and yelled and threatened and ignored. Not surprising, that didn't work either. And then I just felt like a terrible mother.

I tried putting him to bed super early, tried reinstating naps, which only made it worse because most days he w/couldn't fall asleep and it just made both of us crankier.

I tried researching the issue to find solutions. So not helpful.

I prayed. But I was so tired and cranky I didn't feel like I was even in a position to receive any promptings that could possibly come. But I'm still trying. 

I finally broke down and have been an emotional wreck this entire week (I almost lost it at church when Brian got stuck at work, leaving my sleep-deprived self alone to handle two cranky kids on Easter Sunday. I really couldn't handle it and it was only exacerbated by the fact that we were sitting right behind a family who had two sets of grandparents with them and an aunt and uncle or two. I have really been missing family this week. Oh, and then James refused to go to his primary class. Something he has never done before. I wanted to scream and cry and go into a coma all at once).

I am in dire need of a night alone at a hotel. Or a real vacation without kids (something that has never happened). Or both. Too bad neither is a possibility. Brian is back to his crazy 5 a.m. start days (last night didn't get home until after 1 a.m.), so we're all walking around with bags under our eyes around here.

I'm so tired that I'm not even sure what the point is of all this except it has been floating around in my head all morning and I wanted to get it out.

So if someone could send some help my way, I will take it in the form of prayers, advice, a full-time nanny, or even brownies.

Until then, this little gem kind of made me feel better (but also made me cry) last night:

Now I'm off to take some tylonel for that headache, and to try and find a positive attitude, because I just know there is a lesson somewhere here for me.

My Baby...

 

Turned ONE last week!

 

It was a super crazy day filled with a gazillion (at least) last minute wedding reception preparations for my sister-in-law. So we didn't get to have a party for her, watch her stuff her face with cake, sing to her, or any of those memorable first birthday things.

 

Obviously, she didn't know or care, but it still totally broke my heart that we couldn't devote more of the day just for celebrating her. What made me the most sad was that every time a special day rolls around for us we are always without any family, so that is all I wish for. This time, however, we were actually with tons of family and we still didn't get to do anything special for her. Can you tell I was totally bummed about this? Sorry little girl. I'll make it up to you some how.

 

Here's some fun pics of the birthday girl that totally capture her sweet personality . . .

(In the tub at my parent's house.)

 (On our way to Ashley's wedding reception. I am in dire need of a major haircut.)

(She still will eat just about anything. How do I keep her doing this and stop her from turning out like her brother?)

 

At one, Livy totally melts my heart on a daily basis. Probably because she loves me more than anyone and gives me a hundred hugs a day and breaks into a smile whenever she sees me. She no longer looks just like her brother--she has turned into her own little person. I am in awe daily at how beautiful she is. Her sleep is slowly improving (knock on wood). She is a great napper (two a day, usually two hours each) and is developing quite the sense of humor. We sure love her.